10 ways to irritate people

Let me start a fancy topic. This is a personal account and the methods mentioned are a collection from the past few years – which I have used effectively or was on the receiving end(well quite a few cases I would say)

And its typically listed with a number safe enough to count on your fingers – so these tips would be there on your finger tips for the rest of your life.

Thanks to the source of irritation….err….the inspiration for writing this topic, when the writer was bored to rant.  It is this blogger who is in the process of discovering the lost verses of a ballad gone long ago….pushed me to commit this grave sin of publishing the ideas which I follow in many an ocassion.

Here I go…

Tip#1 :

Situation: You are in a music concert or a movie theater or any place in a gathering and you are not liking the song that is being played or the movie being screened.

Action: Here goes the tip – Start singing in a feeble voice or echo the dialogues coming on the screen. Give a running commentary of the happenings around.  The level of irritation depends on how much you can go beneath the skin of these people around you.  I would suggest to actually have a constant feedback with the surroundings until they reach the state where they would be clenching their fists and banging the chairs in front of them

Tip#2 :

Situation: You are eating food at a respectable place. Basically you don’t care about anything and you should act like a typical punk teen here.

Action: Take the silverware or the straw used for sipping juices and any liquids and start making noise that is anywhere beyond acceptable levels.  The optimum sound is the one that makes the next person sitting you uncomfortable and restless. The acceptable level of irritation is when the farthest person in the room listens to and acknowledges the sound with a disgruntled look.  You may look out for a team here, you will be never disappointed.

Tip#3 :

Situation: You are driving on a road.  Especially in areas where people are more concerned about rules and etiquettes

Precaution: If you are in US, there is a chance that you might get a ticket.  This should be done with utmost precision and care – Needless to say, its definitely worth it. I am giving the tip for US roads, which are right handed drives.  You may use it according to your driving conditions

Action: Go to the middle lane and start flashing your indicator lights alternatively at regular intervals.  It amuses you and irritates people tailgating you

Tip #4 :

Situation: You are extremely upbeat about something, especially at a situation where you expected something gross to happen and you escape with a minor bruise or sometimes even without that.

Action: Trust me this is the best time you can irritate anybody.  You will get the maximum happiness out of this. Tell the whole story of how things went bad. Every idiot in this world thinks he/she is the best person to give advises. After all, when it comes to common sense or anything closely similar to that – everybody thinks they are rich.  So, they start advising you – in the end, show the finger to them and their advise – and tell what happened exactly and how happy you are

PS: This is better avoided with sensitive people, as they go beyond understanding and over-understand you and stop talking to you.  However, its your jurisdiction – whether to keep such people around you or not

Tip #5 :

Situation : Pre-requisite is you have to have an internet connection.  You are seemingly bored on a Sunday afternoon – with no work at all for the deadlines.

Action : Open your email account and pick the most irrelevant email and change the subject line to “Important: Review required” and put as much junk as possible.  It could range from wiki entries for any topic related to Sarah Palin or Nicole Kidman or maybe even George Bush or Barack Obama.  The idea is to actually send a piece of information and wait for their response. If they are not responding – you got the cue, start posting the related content over email with a frequency of one per email.

Tip #6 :

Situation : You need to have a phone. You are again bored and you don’t have an internet connection – maybe you are stuck at some mall or some bookstore or some bus stop

Action : Pick out the person who is a little bit reserved and doesn’t talk to you much. Call him on his phone and disconnect it as soon as you listen to him.  Repeat this exercise atleast till 3-4 times. The cue that he is irritated will be given when he disconnects. In all probability he/she would be calling you back. At that time just ‘DISCONNECT’. Leave him a voice mail, saying – your name, address, current location, phone number and then say that I have to talk to you personally, I have a situation and I am unable to decide whether to go with this or that kinda…and hang up. Now start the exercise again of ringing and disconnecting.  Now leave a voice mail – ‘Dude what happened to your phone? and agian old message blah blah blah’.  Switch off your phone for a while – for best results. Your boredom is killed and his irritation has started.

Tip #7 :

Situation : This is a bit dangerous to try. It might involve you being physically assaulted. So PG-13 rated Its a weekend time say, you are not living in a place where you need to buy water a premium.

Action: Collect a bucket ful of water.  Throw at random people roaming on the streets.  Tell that you are working on a reality tv show. And show some accomplice with a handy cam and say that you are doing that for a TV show – thats being aired on some time.  Please check your local tv show times before you get into a crazy brawl – that going to leave you dead

Tip #8 :

Situation : A serious group discussion is going on. Obviously they are talking way too serious about something – which is going above your head

Action : Look at your laptop and point your finger on to the screen and start laughing uncontrollably.  The level of irritation is directly proportional to the time of the laugh.  In the end tell the reason as ‘personal joke’ which you can’t share obviously.  Run away from the room ASAP!

Tip #9 :

Situation: A boring Monday at work place

Action: Take the print out of the news letter that you got along with all the employees.  Take out a marker and mark randomly lines in between. Do that for the 10 odd print copies you took and distribute them to the team members across cubicles and call for a meeting.  Tell them that ‘How can the organization be so negligent about employee welfare’.  Though its ignored for the first time by the people, after doing it many times –  you irritate them. Every next time they would definitely be the more frustrated.

Tip #10:

Situation : You are on an IM program.

Action : Put a status message by putting one of these choices . The usage is left to the reader’s conscience.

• “<user name> thinks that <status message> is true.  Would you believe?”
• “How can <user name> say that <status message>”
• “<user name> is invisible, and is trying to avoid conversations!”
• “<your favorite team> has won the tournament on this very day 20 years ago!” – some jerk would be so picky and try to advise you – you give a damn to him.  To add to the status message – put “<jerk’s name> thinks that this is wrong!”

I tried to compile the list with the items that flashed onto my mind, as soon as I returned from lunch.  Now, I am hurriedly getting back to work after a good solid half hour being utilized for blogging and recollecting the way I do.

It’s not the complete list, but somehow I managed to squeeze in few good things.  Please feel free to collaborate and use ‘Comments’. Oflate, I recognize – people just bother to come and look at things and just go without even showing a slightest show of respect.  I feel bad, I expect atleast a censure or a word or two – atleast try to get a life and put some ‘SPAM!’  you screwed up folks.

Well, I hope I have irritated you now – come on vent out your anger in whatever way you can

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