I, Me and Myself – Past, Present and Future

Thanks to Mahita for tagging me on this.

Here I go, as I realize, think and guage what it was/is/might look like for the user named ‘Chandrasekhar’ or fondly called ‘Chandu’

It works like this

Few questions from the past, present and future. Answer them and then tag your friends from the blog-o-sphere. Leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged and you are all set.

I am going to use the same set of questions, and ‘different’ answers – definitely.

Yesterday,

Oldest memories….

Well, I always thought I should be recognized for things which I am really good at and not moderately good at.  I think this thought came into my belief only after one incident which kinda gave me an alias in my household and also amongst the friends and relatives.  It was during my Class-1 (5-8years age group), I never realized that genes could help you in few things which are often termed as ‘miracles’ and probably because, they happen ‘rarely’.

I participated in an ‘On-the-Spot-Painting’ competition held in Hyderabad. I managed to see quite a huge crowd for the first time in life, as I realized that there exist people other than my class mates in this world and people other than my family too.  It was always a case of updating memories and experiences at that age, isn’t it. Now, lets get into the topic – I had to draw on one of the topics given by organizing people – the ICS.  That was the time, the computers were coming into ‘Existence’ in this world and this was one such organization, which was recognized by the central government at that time I guess so.  Anyways, I chose to draw a ‘Balloon seller’ from the options(which I can’t remember now obviously).  The other options were not that great for my magnificent thinking brain at that moment, and it didn’t capture any image.  With the limited knowledge I could possibly have at that age, I imagined how the balloon-wala looks like and managed to put some colorful balloons and a nice dress for that fella.  I don’t know how I managed but, I was extremely happy at the end. I participated in a competition and all I was doing was – the most beautiful thing I liked.  Not academics, not playing, not singing, not running around and doing mischief – I was painting, and I was thinking of something which is so simple and common.

The icing on this piece of wonderful memory I have, on April 14th, 1990- the last day of school for that academic year, I had to in the midst of class receive a small but a wonderful shield for getting a consolation prize and a certificate for drawing the ‘Balloon Seller’.  My joy knew no bounds and I was completely excited carrying my prized possession on the way back home on my Rickshaw. I never knew that I could be so big that my name was imprinted on the prize and a certificate that didn’t fit my tiny little school bag.  This was probably the fondest and sweetest memories I had from childhood.  Maybe this is one of the memories, but easily the one that comes into my thoughts as I ponder, what I am good at.

As I look back now, that might not be a greatest achievement given many prodigies I have seen and admired, but for me, it was the moment, as I was recognized and applauded in the class for my achievement.  It was the moment I always cherish and place it deep in my heart – coz, I had the best time of my life painting and the a wonderful return gift in return.  Needless to say, I was happy and overwhelmed infact.  I had a movie treat from my dad as soon as I reached home.  It was probably unexpected joy!

I didn’t tell you the fact that, I was awarded a 25 or 50% concessional fee for any computer course under their banner for my life-time.  Atleast that’s what I was told by my Principal during the award’s ceremony.

What were you doing ten years ago?

Ten years ago, I think I was dabbling on what to choose my career, not that I didn’t had any clear idea at that time, but it was definetely the time which was the worst phase of my life.  Worst phase, I can definitely say since, I had no interest in the choice I was destined to pick and, no idea of why I was not fighting in picking that particular choice.  My heart and mind was on an alternative path. Confession, or atleast, this is how I make myself happy for the sour grapes, remembering and recollecting my Dad’s words.  I won’t go into the details but, in short, I chose to become an Engineering graduate and killed the dream of becoming a Doctor I always dreamt of. Period.

On this day, 10 years ago, I was building the blocks of what I am right now, you may add, by saying that, realizing the made-up dreams for myself (that was too sarcastic on myself ).  As I set sail for an interesting twist-and-turn career I had to pick for the lack of choice – coincidentally.  I was fighting with Mathematics, which was a night-mare for me right through my childhood.  I was enjoying the Sciences, as I always had, and probably was just realizing that Hindi is definetely required to communicate in Hyderabad.

As I said earlier, the first few days were horrible to start off with, and I don’t know how I managed to sail through that and stand on my feet firmly – maybe thats Destiny or Fate or whatever…it just didn’t go with my consent and approval – as always  - Lesson learnt!!  Thanks for the cribbing space …haha

Today

I am in a quite funny state.  About to complete the quarter century in life, I realize that I am becoming old .  Though, for the records sake only.  I like many individuals am also suffering from the Quarter life crisis.  Thinking that I should have probably done that, I could have probably achieved that.  Now, as I stand in a complete alien country, amidst majority of alien friends, with an Alien status, after leaving a healthy and enough-for-me paying job, I have come back to the school again, in a dream to realize that I can achieve greater heights in life – with this stint.  It took a while for me to realize that Management is not my cup of tea, as I don’t have the basic quality of empathising with every soul, and no offenses meant to the poor souls who do that by working ‘day-in and day-out’ to make things better or rather worse – whatever. But its just not my cup of tea – still!.  I just can’t take that, you know . Instead of making that just-another day in my life, I chose to hate it and realized that it produces negative results.  I should overcome this nonsensical behavior soon, maybe in another _______ or so.  Fill it up and Wish me luck!

This experience however, made me realize two things – One made me feel strong at What I am good at, two, made me realize that there are really few people who know you well and who’s support you need to go places in your life.  However, point 2 is a little ambigous, as there are many choices that needs to be evaluated before identifying these set of individuals.  Quite painstaking though But worth the time, especially if you are in student life – nothing beats that!

Tomorrow

What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?

Quite an interesting question, isn’t it?  Well, I think I would be the same person, probably with a pair of thicker glasses resting on my nose, reading a newspaper over a cup of coffee and enjoying the stint wherever my career path takes me.  I have no expectations to scale. I am lying here, if I say that I don’t have any expectations.

Okie, to be truthful and not burdened by the fact that I had to lie when not required, here I go. I wish to have my own empire by that time. My day should start with checking out what I have to do for that day with a cup of coffee shared with my better half, and dropping my kid girl to school and then going to work with a nice italian roasted coffee Venti size.  I have to enjoy a sumptous lunch cooked with extreme love and care(to control my health) by my beloved, and probably shout at few individuals, to show that I still have that passion to shout and scare people .  End of the day, collect a bunch of white lilies for the ‘Queen’ and drive back home listening to the classical Ilayaraaja and AR Rahman songs.  I wish to stay atleast the precise distance required for listening-to-an-album from my work place.

Then, have a nice dinner and discuss what my kid girl’s stories of the day, her adventures and give her all the possible affection and care needed for her, in other words, the care exactly I got from my mom and dad to be precise.  Later, enjoy the Day’s round-up on a news channel and close the day with a sweet little kiss to my beloved in the garden right on top of my roof.  Ofcourse, Sign-off for the day and maybe do not check emails before sleep and after waking up.  I hope to achieve that control by that time.  Pray to the man upstairs, that the next day should exactly look the same and no surprises from him whatsoever.

If you would build a time capsule, what would it contain?

Quite honestly, again, this is a question that exactly symbolizes the ‘hope’ aspect of your life.  I wish to have few things in that, probably, not the definite list, but whatever that comes to my mind at this point of time.

1. The first book I read – Malgudi days, by RK Narayan
2. The greetings I used to draw to my closed ones – I wish to take them back and remember them for eternity
3. The moments I have enjoyed with the few closest of my friends, probably as a materialistic evidence of the happy times, I had with them, enjoying their companionship.
4. The Best wishes I have been bestowed upon – I never cannot forget every single thing that came in my way, and obviously the sweetest of the wishes that come with those.

As I list all of these and tend to think of anymore again, I think its better that I put my brain in the time capsule and start from scratch again and collect all the memories again – I wish to be the child again and collect every sweet little memory of th first rain I saw, first sunshine, first sunset, the moon flashing over the calm and serene city, the sight of an innocent smile of a child, the picky nature of an elderly humanbeing, the witty friend’s comments, the caustic remarks of a teacher, the elation of victory, the sensation of watching a movie you always waited for, the joy of being recognized, the satisfaction of being appreciated….I think I am blessed with a good memory, and I wish to have that at the testing times – this definitely helps in judgement and keeping track of what I am for and what I have been.  I wish to put this in the time capsule to probably look up in the future – as to help me when its most required.

Reason, being the Memories are things which cannot fade at any given point of time, I am not afraid of losing anything, except for the memories that make this life, worth ‘Living’!

Dear reader, I don’t think you would disagree on this fact.  Maybe, if you do, its time to write about this whole thing on  your blog….and here’s the ‘tag‘ for you.  If you do agree, then why not write the same stuff, especially you liked it, didn’t you?

Thanks to the person who tagged me, it’s a nice gesture and I feel satisfied after writing this whole thing on a Monday morning, instead of working.  I feel ’satisfied’ after a long time.  True story.

do widzenia

Whatever it takes!

A Dream can be defined as a state of mind characterized by ‘abstraction’ and release from ‘reality’.  Its a phenomenon by which you overcome your fears and limitations and inhibitions and start a journey in your fantasy world – filled with angels, demons, numbers, gadgets, illusions, sweets, books, blogs, photographs …there are innumerable items that can be brought into this.  One thing for sure, its not limited.  Also, It should probably never be.

Often, these are the reasons you want to live and survive and see the next morning sun blazing on your head, so that you can dream again and be like a child waiting for the gift you always wanted to have.  The burden of expectations actually pulls you down and in most of the cases, kills your enthusiasm and puts you down in a state where you forget that ability you have, to ‘dream’.  Its a sad irony that, we have the spirit and attitude to overcome this fear, but still we don’t do that – Why? have you asked this question to yourself before…well, then there would be a reason which you tend to agree, more or less, other than just living with that, atleast I did and realized this could be the reason…the reason of becoming more materialistic and hence getting involved with anything and everything and start living for things which you didn’t plan for or you didn’t want to…maybe.

The one and the only thing that makes life interesting and exciting to me is, to do things what you always wanted to do.  There are few things, where you need a fair amount of support and encouragement from the outside world, to help you realize that you are part of this world, to keep that thread of relation alive, to me, this is what motivates you to keep going and realize your dreams.  It is no wonder that often you find some homo-sapien doing this activity for you – for ‘more-fortunate’ people, there is a good reason why you have to depend on yourself everytime.  Its not a pitiable condition, nor a condition which demands some sympathy, its just placing up your own beautiful mind over matter, realizing things that are trivial as ‘less trivial’, and perhaps still lesser.  Nothing is beyond this thought – fortunately for any soul on this planet.  Isn’t it?

Let me take you to the point, about the whole ordeal of reading 3 paragraphs of worthless soul-searching talk, that I involved you till now – Its just a case of braggin about things..didn’t you realize?.  Quite a few know my levels of ego and the talk I do, so its understandable . ‘I’, as in ‘me’, probably wouldn’t have achieved what I have done, if I didn’t believe in what I could do – this is the bottomline of this whole rant.  There are ocassionally certain things that make me feel happy and also make me excited about (quite honestly, there are many things that excite me every now and then, but there are only few things that are planned – its called coincidence in my vocabulary).

I have recently taken a jump from an altitude of 13500 feet above Ground level from the skies of Arizona.  I had the best time of my life during the free fall that lasted for about less than a minute, touching the maximum speed that my body ever felt in itself..it was freaking 192 kmph – i.e. 120 miles per hour!!  It is the feeling, that anybody can be absolutely thrilled to have, as it can be best only experienced.  I cannot remember how I prepared myself for this one, nor can I remember the time I was falling down. I agree to the fact, that I ‘used-to’ have a fear for heights and its worse when I see H2O around, now nothing else matters..atleast without water…I have conquered the fear with a single jump and left my negative energies and things that were pulling me down, maybe forever and for the good reasons. This jump fortunately took me to the world which I feel strongly, now that I have my map maker draw my boundaries and have him certify that I have conquered it.  Its a clear case of mind winning over matter.

I remembered black skies, The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash, As time began to blur
Like a startling sign, That fate had finally found me

And your voice was all I heard..That I get what I deserve

So give me reason, To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean, Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes, Give me reason
To fill this hole, Connect the space between
Let it fill up to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide…

I have nothing to say after these lines….it pretty much sums up the feeling!

Its an immense feeling that I am in right now. I always knew that I have to fight my own battles,  and I either win or lose my own battles in the process of fighting.

Now, the interesting thing is probably, the world which you have limited to and its relation with the original world.  The conquest has not ended, as I realize it now, my smaller world is demanding to grow. It’s a case of irony that in these circumstances, we often tend to forget our own abilities and get attached to people, thinking that they do fight for us or they might be behind us all the while…It’s always the case of fighting your own battles, as I realized earlier. Don’t get attached to people, in many cases they are not worthy, and in some cases they are more than worthy.  In the end, it is you who always get hurt when you get attached to those (10)2 different kinds of people –  You end up repenting later, as to why did I do this to the person I cared for, or, why didn’t I shut myself to this lesser mortal as that person doesn’t deserve any level of respect.  I sign off with my thought, ‘Attachments contain viruses, so dont get attached!‘

I think there is a lot of truth in that statement, its better to stay away from people, instead of getting hurt repeatedly and abusing yourself and your mind.  Its a safe way, but still you are gonna get returns.  Trust me, I am seeing that actually.

As I sit and recollect my thoughts, I only believe that things have gone nice and fantastic, as I only can bank on me now and me alone, I need not credit anybody and debit anybody, I fight my own battle and I will win my battles.  Its an extreme case of ego fellas! I am experiencing the sweetness of it.  I don’t care if its not satiated, but if it hurts, I retaliate

Tot ziens

Roses are #FF0000h and Violets are #0000FFh

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet;
And so are you.

I think Colors have always fascinated human beings, its a pity and perhaps a curse to be color blind, so as to not appreciate the beauty of this mature mother nature. Rich with its colors and profound with the varying intensities of the hues, it gives out different shades for each of the different moods in the form of fantastic color coded expressions – one each for one of its characteristic forms of life.

It neither fascinates me, nor it appeals to me, when people actually limit their vision and hence, the thoughts to a set of few colors they are cognizant. They limit their vision to the limited avenues life shows to you in the process of your evolution into a homo-sapien. I could never comprehend and perhaps can never in the future too, on what basis this gets ingrained into their ‘gray’ matter and the ‘red’ blood(quite materialistic…yet filled with colors). It is strange, or probably a coincidence that they dont realize there are many colors expressing different energies in life.

The White symbolizes to me the peacefulness and serenity. It gives me the chance to make anything on a canvas which is white. You have great amounts of freedom to write, scribble, sketch, paint and do what not with the white sheet of paper or a canvas that you are presented with. This is a perfect chance to understand what people do think about life and many things, and probably can give us a chance to understand them a little more..as you get to see ‘What they would do, when life presents them chances or avenues to pick and make their own’

The Black symbolizes the completeness, the confidence to the level of the brim. It is considered a bad omen for being black, or rather too low for not being white. Its strange but true. Trust me, there were many instances I have seen and I have heard of. Lets not bother to get into details here, as there is a space for that later

Then there comes the vastness of the blue, symbolizing the endless skies and abundant water on this very beautiful planet, then there is green-ness of the trees(not in concrete jungles…) and there is the blazing sun often treated with respect for bestowing life in shining red and symbolizing the latent energy and radiant light. You need not be a Picasso or a da Vinci or even Ravi Varma to understand and imprint the colors onto a paper. All it takes is two eyes to appreciate and a good memory to store it for the rest of your life, deep in your hearts – its a special place. The cameras have done a lot of damage to this aspect of humans, it made them forget and turned them to be materialistic about memories and I think there is a need to stop at some point and decide what is click-able and what is not. Its better to have the capacity to record in our brain, rather than on a stupid hard disk drive or a film that is gonna eventually deteriorate(I am not being pessimistic here ).

The violets, the purples, the cyans, the orange and many more of such colors are sweet results of what a creative mixing and playing with colors can do. Its just a case of being innovative and expanding our horizons and seeing what many people can’t see. Isn’t it wonderful to believe that there are millions of colors and shades and possibly a normal mind like me might not even be able to comprehend. And its not over, thats the best part about it. The imagination is probably the biggest boon given to the mankind, to be able to think, re-think and re-invent himself and his surroundings. Its probably what has made the world an interesting place – strictly my view.

The irony of this imagination and probably the mania behind getting attached and involved with these colors leads to two probable sicknesses. Either being obsessed with the colors and becoming blind to the fact that its just another aspect of life, that should have been probably meant to be enjoyed. The other being overjoyed with the fact that there are many beautiful aspects in life and associating them with colors and living the life of a child every moment. I read somewhere, that the 7 wonders of this world are in no comparison to the fact that there could be a possible of over 7 million wonders for a child. A dog’s sneeze, grandpa’s yawn, mom’s kiss, dad’s gift on birthday, a brother’s cajoling shoulder around you to protect you and what not…there are many things you can associate for a wonder – and trust me, we all felt this way when we were a child, probably its not comforting for you to accept it Which I wont deny, you maybe a ‘Grown-up’!

The agony would be the first situation when you get obsessed with the colors and the obsession becoming so big that it actually eats you up and helps you to safely shut the image you might possibly want to see i.e. the bigger picture of ‘Unity in Diversity‘. Its a sickening situation to have in this world, where the disgusting words like ‘racism’, ‘discrimination’, ‘favoritism’, ‘religion’ and ‘prejudice’ rule over the usage of words like ‘kinship‘, ‘love‘, ‘friendship‘, ‘family‘ and any ‘relationship‘. Its like felling down the tree that is manifested to give you the pleasure and warmth in whatever way it possibly can. Instead of glorifying and realizing the beauty of it, do we need to fell it and give a chuckle, and utter ‘Take that!, I’ve had enough of you’.

Never did our parents, or elders, or friends or even our teachers asked us to be ‘Philanthropic’. This is a moment, which I would at least urge you not be sadistic and behave like a moron and probably wait until it hits you, then realize that ‘my life should have been better’ at the age when you can’t anymore enjoy the very existence of it. At a time, probably when you should recollecting your memories and past and probably pen your thoughts from the pearls of wisdom you have collected until then…

To borrow my friend’s words and thoughts, I would say ‘Its not my choice – for my birth, for my parents, for my country, for my race, for my ethnicity, but, I can choose my friends, I can choose the way I want to live’.

Maybe hence, its possible to atleast live in a world which is devoid of discriminations based on color and divided by the discriminations based on any thing which is actually created by the Master.  Since Color is something which is closely associated with life according to me.  I paint pictures and I like memorizing landscapes, the happy faces, the monuments, so that they lead me to a happy memory.  I dont wish to see a bad memory, that too with a word that is probably better associated with good things in life i.e. Color.

Going back to where it started, it only gets better if we can possibly remember – ‘Colors’ are ‘life’ and though difficult be able to digest the bitter truth

‘If you can see only two colors on which the world is based upon’ you are possibly the ‘elite’ group of few who are ‘color-blind’. Its a pity that you have got a pair of eyes, which are better off without your heart. Remove the shades that is making your vision narrowed, you would see the wide angle of the chromatic lens which disperses a single white ray of light into the rainbow of colors – that to me is the beauty of the life. Its always got COLORS to make your life full of glory or ironically even the lack of it.

Adios Amigos….I lost my habit of wishing good bye in a new language everytime I end….so picking it up again.

Arrivederci

Any figments of imagination that are leading to catastrophic turn of events are often ‘treated’ as harmful and injurios to health.  So take care mates!  Life is precious and understanding is more important than justification.

10 Things I hate …in general

Well, I eventually bumped into one of the web pages where I saw this.  I happily lifted the idea and I am hence confessing that this is not a thought that happened to come into my head.  I would be stupid to actually even think of making this my idea as – the topic is something every one of us at some point in life have prepared a mental list or a note atleast.

Let me take the pleasure of making my list and make you listen to that – however boring it might be…coz, thats the way I chose to eliminate my boredom.  Here you go No.1 goes without competition

1. Someone calling you in the dead of the night or early morning or late in the afternoon – when you are least expecting a call, and say ‘am I disturbing you?’  ’Can I talk to you for a while?’ – for every god damn reason, have you given me a choice or you are just intimating that for the next few minutes just listen to me, I am gonna talk nonsense about many things and may be have a point or two interesting that you might want to hear …Trust me, I had experiences ranging from bad to worse with this trespassing habit of our fellow men and women equally alike.  Worst is when they leave you a voice mail – God! I love phones with only messaging service

2. ‘You dont eat Chicken?, you dont eat Egg?, you dont eat Lamb?’ and many versions of that – I make my point subtly clear that I dont eat food other than the Indian version of Vegetarian food, and for the sake of individuality, food atleast is something one should have a liking to take.  You can’t keep on asking – why dont you eat thatttt?? why dont you eat this – its sometime stupid for myself to keep on repeatedly telling the same thing again and again.  Wait, I think found a way, I started posing this question these days to good effect to satisfy myself

3. The disturbing sound of  fluids being regurgitated and vice-versa with an ocassional sound thats accompanied as if it were the part of an amazing opera – What are you guys upto?…I simply cannot take that sound, I realize now its fit to reply with the same stupid sound back, perhaps with more loudness.

4.  Having a hair cut of the barber’s choice – I think after explaining in all the best possible words and expressions, how I actually want it and 99% of the times hating myself and my hairdo after looking at the mirror of how badly he screwed up all my carefully grown hair.  I actually end up giving my hair and on top of that money for screwing it up – irony is you have to do all this smiling and gleefully accepting that as the occasional feast for fate. Highest degree of Customer retention still for this nasty fellow who smiles his way into glory daily.  God be with them.

5. Stupidity - if there is one thing that irritates me beyond control and makes me feel jittery to hit somebody, it is this awesome quality that I found in few of the gifted species.  I cant just tolerate anybody being more stupid than me – thats the actual reason.  I dont want to elaborate into the people’s epics with this ‘noun’ word. I am happy without that.

6. Indecisiveness – If you have got something in mind, act on it, you moron!  You just dont waste time of others and keep them waiting.  Its one reason I pray to god to not give them ‘choices’.  This breed of homosapiens abuse the word called ‘choice’ if given a choice

7. Looking at the food menu – I so want some body to make a note of the things I like and just feed them into every damn bartender/steward/server on this earth.  I dont wish to look at the menu card and order food – maybe thats the reason, I pick the same thing again and again, to avoid looking at that menu card again and again.  I have serious trouble keeping my nerves in control reading the whole thing.

8. Science fiction movies – I seriously cannot comprehend the sight of people thronging to watch science fiction movies.  I definitely cannot understand one reason as to why they watch that movies, though they know that its not true, and secondly, give some stupid reason supporting as to why they like watching it.  Its useless if you are trying to explain it to me – either I am listening to you as I dont have anything to plug my ears, or I am shouting back – since I’ve  had enough

9. I hate people who can’t understand the beauty in the taste of coffee…I just cant take when people dont know the difference between different flavors of coffee.

10. I have a 1% of ego(thats a heavily loaded under statement ), and I seriously hate when people blame their inferiority complexes or whatever on my domination and egoistic traits, I exhibit more often than not – I just cant help but I usually have a chuckle and laugh at them.  I dont mind being bullied, as I already had lot of fun looking at the situation.  Maybe this is a point that I love or maybe I hate it.. I never know.

 

Now, folks – let me know what you think

 

There is something called as ‘comments’ – its wise to use that and shout at  your own risk. Often, I listen to them to have a perspective.

Across this New Divide – Linkin Park is back!!

Wow!

 

That was my expression when I heard the new transformer’s track.  This was composed by Linkin park band, and needless to say – It was awesome!

 

Particularly the prelude, which is driving me crazy and making me listen to it again and again.  Here are the lyrics, for this wonderful song by LP – one of my favorite music bands.

The background is in perfect sync with the trailer and I cant wait to watch the movie ‘Transformers’ .  The song ‘What I’ve done’ was in perfect sync with the Transformers-1 movie.  Come June 24th, I am going to rush to grab my ticket for this movie.

 

I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to blur
Like a startling sign
That fate had finally found me

And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it fill up to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide

There was nothing inside
The memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
The ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
Between where we were standing

And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Across this new divide

And every loss and every lie
And every truth that you deny
And each regret and each goodbye
Was a mistake too great to hide

And your voice was all I heard
But I get what I deserve

So give me reason
To prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the thoughts cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason
To fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it fill up to reach the truth and lies
Across this new divide

Across this new divide
Across this new divide

and how did they do it?

Well, here is how they create the magic

 

 

إلى اللقاء

25 Random things about ‘Me’

Its a wonderful thing to tag the people with 25 things that everyone should know about them. Lets see, if I take it up as I expected it to be. Heights of idle time.

 

1. Well my name was Bala Naga Chandrasekhar Sarma Manda, curtailed to Bala Chandrasekhar Manda to save some ink and sweat writing that on my notebooks, Thanks to Dad and Mom for being intelligent
2. I probably know Telugu, English, Java and Hindi – in the same decreasing order of literacy – read/write and execute
3. I like girls with long hair, and was never vocal about it, until recently.  Well, I realized, I shouldn’t have been vocal about it.  Its eliminating chances of finding a girl with this criteria .  I am born optimist btw
4. I tend to have this middle drop syndrome – in many activities I do.  I just somehow lose interest in few things – blame it on being routene or not challenging, atleast I answer that to myself to keep myself at peace.
5. I used to hate and will hate all the Instant messengers and the Phones I dont know why . But still use them for lack of burning the extra calories walking to the desk or directly talking to them. To be honest, I sometimes dont pick up the phone and just say that I missed it  If somebody takes the advantage of this – I can still ignore them, so dont try to work it out with me
6. If given a chance, I would love to meet Sourav Ganguly, Abdul Kalam, AR Rahman, Kamal Hassan, Mani ratnam, Leonardo di Caprio, Tom Hanks and Kate Winslet(order doesn’t matter) any day.  They gave me the best time of my life along with a whole spectrum of expressions – Joy, Excitement, Admiration, Depression to name a few.
7. I was never a bright student through out my schooling – which often people mistake for me and wrongly associate me with .  I have no idea how can I change their faith, and also I have no interest in changing that – they have become ‘incorrigible’ over the course of time.  At least I have to be intelligent right?
8. I had surprisingly the strangest of schooling and worst of it – I could carry very few friends from all the past academic career I had.  I have a selected bunch with whom I dont even stay in touch.  I am maybe the most fortunate guy, to enjoy great friendship with minimum courtesy of atleast calling them once in a while.  Maybe thats the reason they are the ‘best’.  
9. I have a strange coincidence of many of my close friends being born on the nth day of the nth month.  eg: 5/5, 9/9.  I was also born on the same kind of date – 8th August .  Well this is one of those eccentric observations I indulge myself with.
10. I am a Leo, and have disturbed a lot of people with my eccentricities and egoistic behavior – people I am just living up to my traits, I know you cannot help but forgive me.  I am sometimes that influential
11. I always used to and will have the fear for heights, to such an extent that I used to never look down from the 3rd floor from my school building.  I still wonder how I took the stratosphere rides at Las Vegas.  I am scared again now recollecting it.
12. I always fancied my chances as a Doctor for my profession, and landed as an Engineer – strangely after hating Math for 10 years.  I dont know what changed it – but it was definetely not something which is sane.
13. I never managed to go beyond 50% of marks in Mathematics until my Tenth standard Quarterly examinations, I suddenly jumped to 99%(1% was lost due to the factor of my history with the teacher and thats the only reason I guess) – I surprised myself and even my teacher.  He still doesn’t believe me I guess.  I always wanted him to show my centum in Math throughout my plus 2(well if you can round 299/300 to centum ).
14. I am always indebted to my Hindi teacher at School, Well, she never allowed me to learn hindi, at the same time ensured that I pass in every of the exam – She is the most benevolent teacher I had.  Now please dont blame my Hindi on that wonderful lady – She is a gem of a person.
15. I never believed that I had a flair for numbers, until I started playing with them – now I recognize everything in patterns and numbers and people believe me that I am Jerk( or rather Nerd – which I feel is wrong)
16. I love photography and often consider my junkets to be romantic dates with the lady that fits in my hand – now I am dating Nikon CoolPix P80 btw, she is awesome during night mode  Planning to shift to a heavy duty girl friend by the end of the summer.
17. I am married to Coffee for the rest of my life and hence I am wondering whether Polygamy is allowed in India to marry a proper girl along with the Coffee and the Camera.
18. I can trade anything for Coffee and hence the extra love is shown in putting another sentence for that single reason.  Recently developed a liking for the Italian blended coffee beans
19. I like to enter book stores, and if allowed would not mind spending the whole day just browsing through innumerable collections.  There were many instances, when I was asked to leave the shop as I was not even buying anything for as long as 4-5 hours.  I just get lost in books and stationery to be precise.
20. I am somehow comfortable in my own world, many try to pull me out – to realize that I just go that far away from them – Its a Manufacturing defect, I am glad that you tried your best – I hope to change on this if its appeasing people.  
21. I hardly remember the names of all my class/school/batch mates(not friends eh) and often fail to associate them with faces.  I face this problem and there were instances, I admit shamelessly, I had to write and memorize.  Thanks to Facebook, Now people should definetly keep their original names and its easier for me.
22. I somehow have the worst possible taste for food – clothes – dressing.  I dont know how can I adjust colors for the sketches I draw, but myself I have a pathetic dressing sense.  You see me always wearing a shade of black on all the important ocassions and all my photographs look the same . One single reason I hate to pose for the lens.  I always look the same
23. I dream ocassionally of swimming the pacific ocean, coz I know I cannot swim for peanuts. I think its high time to learn it.  FYI – I sacrificed learning swimming to cricket, just to have that time to play rather than go for a boring Swimming.
24. I failed in my first attempt at academics, and my mother had to step in to get me passed – I hate myself for that every single day.  I only pity myself for not even recollecting a single incident through out this turmoil – I was only 2 and half year old kid then. I turn 25 this year and I am already worried, how I have wasted my life till now – 0 Purposes achieved so far, would increment it soon to 1 atleast.  I am on course with that, or am I not.  Lets see
25. I love my parents and siblings a lot, but never conveyed it greatly enough. I think onething is to ensure I do that. I also would like to squeeze in to include my closest friends and buddies who have seen me through the roughest and toughest times as a token of gift for being grateful and giving their piece of mind to execute my wishes and commands. You guys rock!  

Oooh that last one ended being a senti one…well there are many who think I am one such kind. Its just an effort to satisfy them. You see, I am a selfless person

 

Its really a herculean task to have compiled all these points sitting and pondering over the past few years of my life.  I have tried to be honest and tried to eliminate all the factual errors.  I hence do wish, people to take it up and honestly put in the things that they would like to share.

До свидания

What – Why – When – Who

I am doubting myself for actually blogging back to back. Its tough and also, at the same time fun. Otherwise, why would i do it. Well, the doubts its the change, I am hating and trying to overcome. A thing which I am hating myself for, these days, I am doubting a lot, rather than believing.

 

First things first, The summer has started and with that it got all the possible time on earth for me to do take care of myself and hence also there is a necessity for me to plan it out and not take things for granted. Not to mention the amount of sweat its taking out, and reminding me of the efforts I am putting, or rather, not putting

 

Its a roller coaster ride till now, US has taught me to be more picky about people, more casual about human relations, more funnier about life apart from many other things/stuff(US lingo). Few of the things I like and most of them I dislike – yeah, I am opinionated, if you cannot stand it – Go and suit yourself!.

 

I am utilizing my human intelligence to decide the things I like and dislike – FYI. So, the process of idling away is lost, atleast hopefully since I have no deadlines and peers looking on my shoulder, as to what my next step would be. In this idiotic phase, I started doubting my beliefs and worst was yet to come, I even started believing my doubts, particularly so, as I was struggling(I hate myself for using this word) to make things meet and work in my favor.

 

Now, as I see at a safe distance away from that traumatic life, pathetic life, yeah please help me find the best words possible for this stupid thing that took over ‘beechase’(Well, I would like to call myself like that), I can only guffaw ..choking….hahahahahahaha.

 

So, what is the best thing to do to get back to your normal self – Quite a few suggestions came in. Best thing was, start identifying the things you love to do and work for them. Aah! ailaa…how did this not strike me until I was to be reminded of these things by someone else. Well, I managed to get my smiles back again, withing the short time of enlightenment – I managed quite a few things, they include

 

… reading books, reading about technology, following news, listening to fresh music, watching movies and all these again and again – well This is WHAT I WANTED, amazing but true. I started liking it again! …

 

Now, the icing would be to get back to fiddling away my Saturdays and Sundays with a bit of brush, or the bow of the violin. I cant wait till that happens. Not to mention to share it with you everyday Its fun for me, hope that its the same to you too!

 

Lets evaluate this blog after 3 months say, roughly around August 2nd Week, 2009. I hope I achieve atleast half of the things that are on the plate as usual – being the sickest procrastinator and the worst prioritizer of activities – and letting people run over me, and overriding my interests – I think I have miles to go. Its strange but true. Life always runs and leaves you little time to stand and stare, but by enjoying your moments, you LIVE it to the fullest. There in lies a reason for you to love your life like nobody does(well its an overstatement – but who cares).

 

Come what may, I have decided to fill it up this way.

 

PS: I have decided to use a new language a day for the good bye, now its Swedish fellas. Welcome change ain’t it.

Hej då!

Whats there in a stupid status message

Well, the thought of expressing oneself can lead to catastrophes and of bigger magnitude as well. Let me take you through what i felt in the next few rants. This is about as the title shouts – about ‘Status messages that are stupid’

A single status message, is as good as standing on a tall cliff and shouting on the top of your voice for a whole city to hear you of what you are telling to people. Its apt and its perfectly right for you to do that in your own jurisdiction. Many a times, I get offended by people and their gestures, not to mention to pick up a fight as well . This on the positive side helps us to understand the people a bit more and best of all pull or push them close or away from your peace of mind, or rather avoid making pieces of your mind.

Often a status message involves people, their current work, emotions, happiness, sorrow, joy, depression, despair, hope, wishes, prayers, wit and even stupidity – all in all, it reflects one’s true self or rather tries to put references to the esteemed personality of that individual. With the advent of the internet, the social networking apps part of Web 2.0 are allowing the more freedom to the people who are suffering from this mania. ‘Yours truly’ probably rates one amongst the top notch people(self proclaimed ) who do this act so frequently and reflecting all of the mentioned plethora of expressions at least once till now – ask my friends they are sick of that trait along with many such traits.

Facebook for instance, has a status bar and people post their ’status’ and voice out their opinion, concern, disgust, and what not. This is one side of it, later there is something called as ‘liking/disliking’ it. For god’s sake if you don’t have an opinion you need not like it or dislike it. Currently, FB allows only people to like it and if you dont have an opinion on that or in all probability if you didnt see that, is it that you are disliking it. So, with this psychic impulse, you go and ‘like’ the link or the update and you end up liking so many things. Isn’t it strange for a human being to satisfy many such criteria and think differently unlike normally. This is so true about any damn social networking site, where you have the option of publishing your opinion and ‘voicing your opinion’..you dont give a damn to anything, as long as you have a login and access to information, you disrupt the privacy and kill that spirit which leaves us in bad taste. Its true.

The GTalk/Yahoo! or any IM program take for that matter, has a status message box. As it allows you to rant in that limited space it is perfectly normal for us to notify our status as ‘Available’, ‘Busy’, ‘Invisible’. Now the abuse comes, we get an editable text field. It allows us to notify to the whole world through this window to express, how badly you fared in the day, to how awesome your day was or how things are not working, how you are requesting help from the man upstairs and etc..There are movie recommendations, music recommendations, free advices(often plagiarised shamelessly – by plagiarism I mean not quoting the sources), words of wisdom and swear words too hmmm…..isn’t it limiting your world to all the energy you see on this piece of software thats binding your life to the world. Hopeless aint it?

Twitter is another service of late that has become a little more popular, thanks to the micro blogging service of 140 character limit, we can be rest assured that we get to see small and concise statements. Its awesome and perhaps there in lies the beauty of it. Too much of anything leaves us with a bad taste, and hence there in lies a necessity for curbing it. There was a necessity for this measure to come and its not late. Happy

All I need and want to say is ‘People, I am sick of seeing the meaningless status messages, perhaps GTalk doesnt allow me to put this big status message and a reason might be lurking in that somewhere land…to blog about it }:)’

However, truth is, you appreciate few nice status messages, you get jealous of few status messages, you feel disgruntled looking at the attitude of some lowly status updates, but you would never get bored of them, trust me on that – exceptions however could be, few boring souls and unhappy minds, for whom the life is all about staring down the barrel. I am happy at least that I am treading away from the half-empty syndrome which bogged me down for the past few days. Its been a roller coaster this Spring, with Angels, Demons, Academics and what not. I have seen a spectrum and felt that I leave a note on this web world ….maybe for a moment atleast I can stop just to collect my thoughts, and set my sails again. I think I did what I wanted…and the time has come to change the status on gtalk from ‘back to blogging’ to ‘enjoying life’ or ‘whatever’ – How does it matter. Well yeah, it doesn’t matter, as long as it is not disturbing/cribbing/about things which I hate.

‘Good Day Fellas!’ – (could be a nice status message btw)

Adios!!

Its too late to apologize

Nice Widget to share your favorite song and lyrics…I guess its ‘Its too late to Apologize..’

Enjoy the video and the lyrics…This song is really catching on and its been a consistent one on my playlist over the week…..

Courtesy: Lyrics

 

The Metrolyrics gives you the widgets to place on your blog or on your home page and gives an excellent look and feel with the album image on the background and the credits effect for the lyrics which makes it appealing. 

Try it out soon!!

Shankaraabharanam –

Shankarabharanam – is one of the best films I have ever seen and also one of the beautiful raagas in Karnatik music I have tasted so far.

The raaga goes like this – S R2 G2 M1 P D2 N2, forgive me for English representation of the notes, but I eased it out for non-karnatik readers.  They actually stand for Shadjamam, Chatusruthi Rishabham, Anthara Gandharam, Suddha Madhyamam, Panchamam, Chatushruthi Daivatham, Kakali Nishadam.  This is a Janya raaga and hence has the same reverse trail and the note positions when it is traversing down the octave.

Its really great to see that K Vishwanath could have imagined the name of the movie to be ‘Shankaraabharanam’.  It has got all the characteristics of a wonderful movie, the plot, the technical details, the screenplay, the music which is omnipresent in Indian movies, interesting characters and wonderful histrionics by the actors, and what not – you name it! you will see in the splendid rainbow that was weaved on the celluloid

Shankaraabharanam means actually the ornament of lord shiva.  It is so obvious that given the Hindu mythology we have Lord Shiva wearing a Snake around his neck.  It symbolises evil and at the same time its an ornament to the God.  This reasons out to be the sole reason behind the movie in my perspective.  I understood it that way and actually quite frankly convinced few people as well to my reasoning. I can do that actually! quite easily

The story is set up on the sacred banks of Godavari, and is about scholar who has seen the utmost glory as a Musician par excellence when there was patronage for the traditional south indian karnatik music.  Later, that has fallen down and reached a new nadir when people mistook Indian classical music for something bad and of no value.  I would oppose that any time. 

Shankarasaastry the protagonist, the scholar whose glory years are effectively captured in this cinema, also show him struggling to make his ends meet but still sticking to his values and ethics and blindfold approach towards respecting the Godess of Learning and Music.  

Now, the analogy could be seen between the name and the movie and let me begin convincing you .  The story starts with a kid being shown travelling in a boat alongside his mother and reaching the place considered as a heaven by the kid’s mother.  It would be revealed later as the place where she met Shankarasaastry and enjoyed the bliss of listening to his renditions of raagas and feel that taala and achieve the ‘tanmayatvam’.  The mother of the child, expects rightfully to have her kid also have the same bliss and achieve new heights under the tutelage of the guru.  Certain scenes stand out in depicting the importance of a teacher and hence the knowledge flow between the guru and the sishya – so much an embodiment of Indian culture and ethos.  

The kid is born out of a struggle that haunts this mother in the film and is considered to be of lower value as she was born to a prostitute and hence had her life sealed to her fate – clinging on precarious decisions and whims of her care takers and the landlords.  She opposes that and feels the dance form of art is a way to have pleasure rather than the worldly pleasures.  She is so amazed by the learned scholar in Shankarasaastry and thinks to attain that bliss by listening to his music and dancing to his tunes in her fantasies.  This was a true mélange of Dance and Music, two of the best things India has got to offer for you.  The kid is born out of one of the struggles the life of a woman who could not fight for herself.  This is where Vishy had an amazing scene depicting the importance of progeny and mutate the child’s unwanted genes and what a wonderful mother could do – gift the world to her child and enjoy seeing him play with the world.

There is a wonderful display of emotions and an amazing sense of artisan in delivering the background music and the scores for the film.  They both gel so well you wont stop listening to the music even after the film has ended. Many of my generation movie watchers havent seen this movie and I feel maybe we were born a little late.  My mother used to tell me of stories how parents were motivated to send their children to learn the knowledge of music and imbibe that bit of peacefulness in their daily routene.  

There is another interesting scene which is for all the music lovers, ‘Music is divine, whether its western or classical…Everybody and anybody can take a sip of the divine water and have bliss’.  Any aesthetic and art loving mind would appreciate the beauty in which the scenes are depicted, the meaning it carries and above all the divinity of music being shown in each frame.

I was amazed and mouth left agape looking at this movie and still feel something is fresh and rejuvenating after a time.  I would see this movie in the coming years as well and I seriously can say it will definetely not bore me.

Such is the beauty of a nice movie, and why not a blog about it was the thought I had when I started to write this thing.